I just want to be a diva who filters her emotions through crazy belting and insane riffing! And how come the guitar does not suit people with smaller hands? I think I am seriously overdue for a growth spurt (vertically, not horizontally).
The next few weeks are going to be insane. I am going through drastic changes in my life and it has made my nerves RAW. I haven't had time to art in my journal, which is frustrating, but I am finding the time to completely clean out my room. I've filled about 8 bags with stuff I don't need so far. I really, really need to learn how to let go.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
What is it?
Tell me, why can I not have normal dreams? I mean, every single dream I have is WACKO. Last night, I dreamed that I had come back to America after I had spent a few months in Europe backpacking, which led to me meeting my husband, who backpacked with me through the mountains, only they looked more like the Garden of Eden meets Land of the Lost: fire and ice, lush valleys, rocky and barren terrain, and fruit! Fruit everywhere! Anyway, apparently, we spent a year backpacking and hopping trains and the reason I had to come home was because somewhere along the way he died. And I was home, with no rhyme or reason, but I had become something of an international figure, unknowingly encouraging people to go to the mountains and live and strengthen themselves physically and spiritually. I had developed a following of people who wished to live as I did! I was to honor my late husband, but I couldn't recall the details of how we met... I would have flashbacks of how we initially met in some futuristic train station, where the elevators would take you to different concourses in time and space (this part of the dream was very long and was a lot of rushing to meet in different locations), and then I would recall brief special moments as we backpacked, eating fresh fruit and climbing hills.
So, then after what seems like an eternal struggle to recall this encounter and subsequently inspirational marriage and period of my life, I decide to join this theatre company. I take this sublet in some dirt poor mid western town- I was in hurry to unpack and make the place livable, which was hard enough, because the girl who lived there had left all her stuff and it was old and dirty and very makeshift... Also Meredith and Jennifer came to help me unpack, but the neighbors in the complex kept walking into my apartment to socialize and find out about me. I was so frustrated because I had to meet someone... I had come this place to surprise someone.
The dream is truly a lot longer and more detailed and when I finally awoke I was beyond drained and had a killer headache. I felt as though I needed a nap after everything that I had been through in the dream.
It does not make a damn bit of sense! I try to put things together, but it is just too exhausting and still doesn't really fit. I wish I could have normal dreams or that I could forget them as soon as I woke up. For some reason, my memory retains enormous detail from my dreams. Blegh. My mom is the same way- she remembers every detail of her dreams, which are incredibly visual and complex and freaky.
I regret that I could not remember the details of the backpacking excursion. It would seem that I couldn't remember them for a purpose, but I knew enough and remembered enough to realize that it was a life altering experience and that it was one of those once in a lifetime relationships. I just want to know how it became so inspirational to others!
I'm going to put a protein treatment in my hair. That's normal.
So, then after what seems like an eternal struggle to recall this encounter and subsequently inspirational marriage and period of my life, I decide to join this theatre company. I take this sublet in some dirt poor mid western town- I was in hurry to unpack and make the place livable, which was hard enough, because the girl who lived there had left all her stuff and it was old and dirty and very makeshift... Also Meredith and Jennifer came to help me unpack, but the neighbors in the complex kept walking into my apartment to socialize and find out about me. I was so frustrated because I had to meet someone... I had come this place to surprise someone.
The dream is truly a lot longer and more detailed and when I finally awoke I was beyond drained and had a killer headache. I felt as though I needed a nap after everything that I had been through in the dream.
It does not make a damn bit of sense! I try to put things together, but it is just too exhausting and still doesn't really fit. I wish I could have normal dreams or that I could forget them as soon as I woke up. For some reason, my memory retains enormous detail from my dreams. Blegh. My mom is the same way- she remembers every detail of her dreams, which are incredibly visual and complex and freaky.
I regret that I could not remember the details of the backpacking excursion. It would seem that I couldn't remember them for a purpose, but I knew enough and remembered enough to realize that it was a life altering experience and that it was one of those once in a lifetime relationships. I just want to know how it became so inspirational to others!
I'm going to put a protein treatment in my hair. That's normal.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
It's twue. It's twue it's twue...
Dear God, Jesus, Buddha, Et al-
What's up? Jessica here. Just thought I'd send a minor request up. Ummm, can you possibly turn things around for me - in a positive way! Not that tricky "Job" kind of way, where in the long run I'm better for all the struggles. Not that I question your will, but I'm kind of needing not only a silver lining, but a butt load of sunshine! Anyway, that's it. Hey, thanks for making hair finally turn out the right color. It looks good. And thanks for getting my mom that audition and dad that job prospect. That was pretty sweet. Hope you guys had a great Valentine's Day. Did you exchange cards, or do you go all out and have chocolate and 'tinis? Much love!
Jessica Clark (Milwaukee, WI, USA, Earth)
What's up? Jessica here. Just thought I'd send a minor request up. Ummm, can you possibly turn things around for me - in a positive way! Not that tricky "Job" kind of way, where in the long run I'm better for all the struggles. Not that I question your will, but I'm kind of needing not only a silver lining, but a butt load of sunshine! Anyway, that's it. Hey, thanks for making hair finally turn out the right color. It looks good. And thanks for getting my mom that audition and dad that job prospect. That was pretty sweet. Hope you guys had a great Valentine's Day. Did you exchange cards, or do you go all out and have chocolate and 'tinis? Much love!
Jessica Clark (Milwaukee, WI, USA, Earth)
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Do You Know....
My father is a republican and gets his news from fox news. I'm an apathetic turned Democrat and I listen to NPR and watch The Daily Show. We had a blow out fight on election day that ended in hugs and acceptance. (hint hint, Washington)
I took ballet for several years as a child, but was encouraged to focus on theatre, as I couldn't stop talking and flashing my bloomers.
I didn't drink or smoke in high school, but very happily began doing both once I turned 18.
I used to have a tent that was made for my bed. It was pink and awesome, but my parents took it down because I would stay up late playing with my stuffed animals and reading.
I'm naturally shy around most people, which is very misleading when people discover I'm pretty outgoing.
I had a brief love affair with Bridget Jones Diary and was temporarily convinced that I WAS Bridget. Some days I still think that.
Sometimes I'll embarrass myself just to make other people laugh.
Three winters up north and I admit, I still don't know how to handle the winter blues.
I dream big, but am ashamed to say so. I'm not sure why.
I used to use hair product, paint my nails and wear makeup EVERY DAY. Not so much anymore.
In many ways, my mom is still my hero. She's influenced literally hundreds of students to not only get involved with theatre, but to become more open minded and loving people.
I cannot throw away cards. It's become a problem as I've run out of room to store them all.
I'm an impatient procrastinator. Not a good combination.
I hate being sad but I love the humanity of it. It's more impressive to fall and get back up, than to just remain standing.
Ex: I still have my rejection letter from Julliard. It doesn't upset me, quite the opposite. I'm just happy to know that I auditioned and that I have something from Julliard addressed to me.
This is me in a nutshell:
I took ballet for several years as a child, but was encouraged to focus on theatre, as I couldn't stop talking and flashing my bloomers.
I didn't drink or smoke in high school, but very happily began doing both once I turned 18.
I used to have a tent that was made for my bed. It was pink and awesome, but my parents took it down because I would stay up late playing with my stuffed animals and reading.
I'm naturally shy around most people, which is very misleading when people discover I'm pretty outgoing.
I had a brief love affair with Bridget Jones Diary and was temporarily convinced that I WAS Bridget. Some days I still think that.
Sometimes I'll embarrass myself just to make other people laugh.
Three winters up north and I admit, I still don't know how to handle the winter blues.
I dream big, but am ashamed to say so. I'm not sure why.
I used to use hair product, paint my nails and wear makeup EVERY DAY. Not so much anymore.
In many ways, my mom is still my hero. She's influenced literally hundreds of students to not only get involved with theatre, but to become more open minded and loving people.
I cannot throw away cards. It's become a problem as I've run out of room to store them all.
I'm an impatient procrastinator. Not a good combination.
I hate being sad but I love the humanity of it. It's more impressive to fall and get back up, than to just remain standing.
Ex: I still have my rejection letter from Julliard. It doesn't upset me, quite the opposite. I'm just happy to know that I auditioned and that I have something from Julliard addressed to me.
This is me in a nutshell:
Sunday, February 1, 2009
You've got it, you know
I am not a Mopey Molly, I just want to clear this up. Lots of things make me happy and I do try to avoid drama at all costs. But I realize that, due to present circumstances, my past few blogs have been kinda blue and mirroring my frustration and need for change. So, just to switch things up, I'm sharing some things that have brightened my day and made me smile.
I am crazy about this video. These guys are ADORABLE. They had another one a year or two back that I loved, called Radio Ladio, which you should youtube if you are so inclined. The band is called Metronomy.
Nico Vega- okay, the girl singer, Aja, just reminds me of all the reasons I want to be in a freakin band. I always have. Why not now??
Especially, when I haaaaave THIS:
Yeah, that would be Forsythe and I honky tonky-ing it on my new guitar.
I'm also into puppies, movies, The Soup, soup in general, cherry coke and long walks on the beach... um, through the snow.... okay, through the beach in my mind as I sit on my bed and watch more snow clouds roll past.
You know, I saw this counselor for about 6 months last year. She was awesome and had a heavy accent and one of the things she said to me in our last session was
"Zjesseeka, wut i vant for you ees to 'ave a choice. You zhouldn't veel trapped into your deezizions."
This has stuck with me, and if I have a major flaw (and I have MANY! I know its hard to believe) its that I won't see that I have the option of making my own choice- one that everyone won't agree with and may not support. But dammit, it'll be mine! And zat ees vut I need right now. Choice.
After all, Dumbledore said, "It is our choices, Harry, that show who we truly are, far more than our abilities."
And on that note.....
Okay, I hope this has made you smile... if it hasn't yet, well TRUSS YOU! I mean, why not check out some of the details on Spiderman: The Musical!
http://www.film.com/features/story/scoop-upcoming-spider-man-musical/25047275
I am crazy about this video. These guys are ADORABLE. They had another one a year or two back that I loved, called Radio Ladio, which you should youtube if you are so inclined. The band is called Metronomy.
Nico Vega- okay, the girl singer, Aja, just reminds me of all the reasons I want to be in a freakin band. I always have. Why not now??
Especially, when I haaaaave THIS:
Yeah, that would be Forsythe and I honky tonky-ing it on my new guitar.
I'm also into puppies, movies, The Soup, soup in general, cherry coke and long walks on the beach... um, through the snow.... okay, through the beach in my mind as I sit on my bed and watch more snow clouds roll past.
You know, I saw this counselor for about 6 months last year. She was awesome and had a heavy accent and one of the things she said to me in our last session was
"Zjesseeka, wut i vant for you ees to 'ave a choice. You zhouldn't veel trapped into your deezizions."
This has stuck with me, and if I have a major flaw (and I have MANY! I know its hard to believe) its that I won't see that I have the option of making my own choice- one that everyone won't agree with and may not support. But dammit, it'll be mine! And zat ees vut I need right now. Choice.
After all, Dumbledore said, "It is our choices, Harry, that show who we truly are, far more than our abilities."
And on that note.....
Okay, I hope this has made you smile... if it hasn't yet, well TRUSS YOU! I mean, why not check out some of the details on Spiderman: The Musical!
http://www.film.com/features/story/scoop-upcoming-spider-man-musical/25047275
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