Saturday, June 28, 2008

Under the bed

Creepy crawlies... my room is infested. I feel like I've done nothing but kill spiders for the past week. And my guard cat, well, he can't seem to drag his fat ass across the floor fast enough to protect his woman from eight legged monsters. Frankly, all he wants to do is eat, sit in my lap while I'm at the computer, and boss the other animals around. However, I am glad to have him around, as he is my closest companion at the moment, and a very good snuggler.

I am on a blue streak. The heart aches more than usual this past week and I suspect it is the horrible birthday awaiting me next Thursday. Twenty five. This is supposed to be a big number, huh? A transitional number....I don't feel twenty five. I don't feel it at all. I don't find much in my life worth celebrating, and surely turning twenty five should be a big celebration. I had originally hoped I might visit my friends and my mom in Birmingham - perhaps being surrounded by a strong support system might encourage me to celebrate the day as a new beginning. And so it is, as I permanently lose the sense of having a place in my hometown; by the end of the summer I will have no more family in the magic city and yet another one of my friends will move away. This is the hard part of having friends/family who are artists with great dreams and ambitions... they all move and your image of "home" becomes a little more shattered as another one leaves. But I've actually had quite some time to get over my homesickness, and truly it is not so much the town I miss, but the feeling of being in a place where I know who I am, where I'm going, and who I can turn to... People that are literally right by your side, what a luxury!

Buuuuut, being one of those big dreamers myself means that I do not have the money to take any trips.

So, twenty five... where's the magic? All alone (but not an island, I swear to god, I am not an island) in city with no friends, no "big girl" job, and nothing but dreams that feel like nightmares as more time passes by.

See what I mean? Blue streak, kids.

But I just keep painting, just keep singing, just keep reading and just keep trying to hold on to those stars in my eyes. Man, twenty five. You really need to pull out all the stops, girl.
On a more positive note... new painting to come- on my largest canvas yet. Yow wee! That is something to look forward to, right? And my commercial demos should finally be sent out this weekend. Please, spare a moment to pray to the goddess of theatre and art to hook up with Fortune and tell them to smile on yours truly. Thanking you in advance. Keep the love, kids. It's a struggle, I know - but I swear, it has to be worth it.


Lydia Milman Schmidt said...


Function: noun

Inflected Form(s): plural ar·chi·pel·a·goes or ar·chi·pel·a·gos

Etymology: Archipelago Aegean Sea, from Italian Arcipelago, literally, chief sea, from arci- (from Latin archi-) + Greek pelagos sea — more at plagal

Date: 1589

1: an expanse of water with many scattered islands

2: a group of islands

3: something resembling an archipelago; especially : a group or scattering of similar things {an archipelago of small parks within the city}

Lydia Milman Schmidt said...

From Wikipedia:

Archipelagos are usually found in the open sea; less commonly, a large land mass may neighbour them, an example being Scotland which has more than 700 islands surrounding the mainland. Archipelagoes are often volcanic, forming along mid-ocean ridges or hotspots, but there are many other processes involved in their construction, including erosion, deposition, and land elevation.

DeeDee said...

I just popped over from Suziblu's livejournal.

Try not to worry too much about numbers; it will drive you mad and isn't helpful. Our culture doesn't have a lot of wisdom so you have to look elsewhere.

It gets better the older you get (honestly!) You have plenty of time, don't torture yourself. Be really gentle with yourself.

I wish you a lovely birthday. But if it doesn't happen, you will have plenty of lovely birthdays.
All the best to you.

Anonymous said...

hey lady,
i miss you. i wish i could be with you for your birthday. what are your plans? can we have a skype party? we can eat ice cream together over the interweb and make up songs. really, do you know sype? its really cool. my machine has a little camera, does yours? free camera calls.
download it here if you are so inclined:
Download Sype
its been so long since weve talked! work is miserable (less that two weeks left) and my affairs are in chaos.
i am thinking of you and your 25th coming up. i like what lydia says about the archipelagos. makes me want to go to scotland, what do you say?
kisses and good voodoo from,

Anonymous said...

also, i just put this up hoping you will read it and like it. apropos? dunno. im obsessed though.