Creepy crawlies... my room is infested. I feel like I've done nothing but kill spiders for the past week. And my guard cat, well, he can't seem to drag his fat ass across the floor fast enough to protect his woman from eight legged monsters. Frankly, all he wants to do is eat, sit in my lap while I'm at the computer, and boss the other animals around. However, I am glad to have him around, as he is my closest companion at the moment, and a very good snuggler.
I am on a blue streak. The heart aches more than usual this past week and I suspect it is the horrible birthday awaiting me next Thursday. Twenty five. This is supposed to be a big number, huh? A transitional number....I don't feel twenty five. I don't feel it at all. I don't find much in my life worth celebrating, and surely turning twenty five should be a big celebration. I had originally hoped I might visit my friends and my mom in Birmingham - perhaps being surrounded by a strong support system might encourage me to celebrate the day as a new beginning. And so it is, as I permanently lose the sense of having a place in my hometown; by the end of the summer I will have no more family in the magic city and yet another one of my friends will move away. This is the hard part of having friends/family who are artists with great dreams and ambitions... they all move and your image of "home" becomes a little more shattered as another one leaves. But I've actually had quite some time to get over my homesickness, and truly it is not so much the town I miss, but the feeling of being in a place where I know who I am, where I'm going, and who I can turn to... People that are literally right by your side, what a luxury!
Buuuuut, being one of those big dreamers myself means that I do not have the money to take any trips.
So, twenty five... where's the magic? All alone (but not an island, I swear to god, I am not an island) in city with no friends, no "big girl" job, and nothing but dreams that feel like nightmares as more time passes by.
See what I mean? Blue streak, kids.
But I just keep painting, just keep singing, just keep reading and just keep trying to hold on to those stars in my eyes. Man, twenty five. You really need to pull out all the stops, girl.
On a more positive note... new painting to come- on my largest canvas yet. Yow wee! That is something to look forward to, right? And my commercial demos should finally be sent out this weekend. Please, spare a moment to pray to the goddess of theatre and art to hook up with Fortune and tell them to smile on yours truly. Thanking you in advance. Keep the love, kids. It's a struggle, I know - but I swear, it has to be worth it.