Super Secret November Challenge Blog Post #11

Excusers Excusing

You guys, I don't know what happened, but I think there was a spooky Friday the 13th dog that ate...

There was a BEAR. An honest to goodness bear that crashed through our apartment complex, and he stole our laptop...

Aliens. Aliens beaming post interfering beams, even though I said, "Excuse me, but the interweb is counting on me, so can you try this again at a more convenient time? Also, I don't have any money, sir."

Clearly, the missing post from yesterday was totally beyond my control.

What is also beyond my control is my ability to focus on anything that isn't wedding related - which is unfortunate, because I have an audition coming up. It has been a long, theatre-less five months. Just enough time to have that condescending little douche, my brain, start slow clapping my life's trajectory while I stand in a corner, weeping and picking out coordinating envelopes for my wedding invitations.

The universe has seen fit to balance out the scales of my fulfillment by putting me on a big losing streak, career wise, as I have gotten closer and closer to W-Day. The universe can suck it. It really would not have hurt anyone to have had some mild satisfaction in my professional life to accompany the excitement in my personal one. But no, no, no. Universe, you are one cruel tart.

I understand that when you are an actor, you really are at the mercy of the elements. What kind of day are you having? What kind of day is the director having? Are you auditioning for someone who has a taste for short actresses with a broad sense of comedy, and a sometimes overly understated sense of drama? Are you bloated today? Are you? What did you eat yesterday? What did you eat that for? Really, where do you get off, you talentless trixie?

I feel shame to admit this, but my auditioning capabilities almost always correlate to where I am personally. If I am focused and on a confidence roll, then every thing is gravy, baby. Otherwise, I go into auditions acting as though I've had a minor stroke.

And not that I'm saying that I actually have had a stroke, but I have been experiencing numbness in my right arm and leg occasionally, and once, in my face. I am 99.9 percent sure this is stress induced. I can be the world's biggest self sabotaging actress if the conditions are right. It is instinct. The moment things start getting a tad overwhelming, my body goes down into shut down mode. Or, hibernation.

Yeah, hibernation. My talent and confidence holes up and will only tentatively stick it's head out next season. What can you do, other than stick to your training, your compromised instincts, and hope you can work through self doubt.

So, we are looking at a long month, hopefully free of any more professional disappointment. Thank god there is honeymoon in London at the end of the tunnel.

Friends, this short post was brought to you from my cell phone.

Super Secret November Challenge Blog Post #5

Drinkers Drinking 

Tonight, I went out. I was two glasses of wine in before I remembered that I had vegetarian vegetable soup and a handful of wheat chex to sustain, not just the alcohol, but an entire day. Oops. And so I realized it was time to get some mashed potatoes up in this bitch, drink a glass of water, and make my old lady excuses, and go home. Plus I was in a rush to get home and blog just in time. 

I picked up my wedding dress today. It was all going well; I ran into a former student who helped me try on my dress while catching me up on her college career... and then she immediately inquired as to whether I was still doing theatre or not. She was one of two people who asked me this in a span of 6 hours.

Aww.... geez, louise, you GUYS. 

You guys. I am a professional actor in Birmingham, Alabama. I may not always be doing theatre, but yes, I am still "doing theatre". I have no other profession to claim, other than my "scramble to" jobs. 

It is a little disconcerting to be like "Oh no, I usually work about 6 months out of the year, maybe more or less, depending on what's available, and the rest of the time I just pull together other work while holding imaginary tea parties with all my famous friends, Stella Adler (she's a book) and Dobby the cat. 

I hate to knock the theatre scene here, but holy tap dancing lord, doesn't anyone else get tired of talking about how talented everyone is here, and then glossing over how we just completely disregard that talent? I know people who were honest to god theatre majors who have done nothing but work for free since they graduated. And part of me admires their passion. The other part of me wants to shake them and ask, "Don't you know you are better than that? At least do enough work to repay the amount of money you dropped for a degree. A degree, for crying out loud!"

But then, the rest of me goes,"Girl. It is not your life. Just let them be them and stop being so damn selfish." Because, you guys. It is selfishness that motivates these feelings. Frankly, from my humble observations, the reason this community  has just coasted along a horizontal trajectory for the past twenty years without any real, significant upward movement, is because we have not demanded to be treated like professionals. 

I'm sorry, but once you drop a ton of time and money into training and marketing yourself, then child, you better start acting like you are worth the money you put out. How is it Florida, Tennessee, Georgia are all crawling with nationally recognized theatres, and all we have is Alabama Shakespeare Festival, a theatre mainly filled New York transplants? Do we not value ourselves more? Do we not see ourselves as worthy as Franklin Fucking Tennessee, who has their own acclaimed professional theatre company?

Now, clearly, we do have professional, acclaimed theatre companies here in town, bless them and the wonderful work they've given me, but you guys. If Birmingham is going to move up in the world, then we have to step up our arts game. Every major city in the country has a thriving arts and theatre community. They all have at least one major, professional, year round, nationally recognized theatre company. 

We are trying. I see us trying. What is holding us back? Please forgive me for this, but is it because we have a community that cannot differentiate between community and professional theatre? In such a tiny town as ours, I am not saying one is always better than the other. One major reason, is because we have actors crossing back and forth over the line, from professional to community. And I don't blame them. Since moving back to Birmingham, 6 years ago, I have worked for free only two or three times. Because! I was given an opportunity at roles I really wanted, and I wasn't sure if any of the three professional theatres in town were ever going to offer that same opportunity to me. And I am only EMC at this point, so why the hell not? It is good to do a little "on the job" training every now and then, to remember why you're here, to only be motivated by passion rather than a paycheck. 

That being said. What we do, is work. It is a profession. It is a job and should be treated as such. You wouldn't ask any other profession to work for free/for exposure, nonstop, would you? If you are a professional actor working for free, stop. Look at what you're doing. Are you doing this the way a lawyer would take a pro bono case, or are you doing this the way a desperate girl answering modeling ads on craigslist would? 

You guys, Birmingham is better than this. We are better than this. The talent in this town, deserves better. 

And while we're at it, I would like to address, just for a moment, the inherent sexism, even in small town theatre. In our city, we are overrun with actresses. Female directors, producers, theatre managers? Not so much. And that is okay, if there truly are not any women here who have an ounce of desire to be in charge... but I have observed so many actresses here who are infinitely outsmarting the director on a regular basis, but they don't see it. Ladies. There is nothing in this world wrong with only wanting to be an actress,  but there is also nothing wrong with wanting to be more. How many male directors in this city, in the WORLD, started off as actors and then followed their gut feeling that they would better suited to running the show rather being told where to stand, how to look, how to act? 

Why is it the majority of actresses in this town don't have that gut feeling? It is not just because we love being in front of the audience rather than behind the scenes. Obviously, being in charge of a theatre has not held any men back from also fulfilling their desire to be on the stage as well. There is a meekness, a quiet submissiveness, that is bred in actresses. Good actors listen, they take direction, they say "yes sir" and don't ask too many questions that could contradict the directors vision because then all you're doing is wasting everyone's time, right? How could you not feel inferior after having that instilled in you from your first day at musical theatre camp? 

Yet somehow, more women than men cling to this idea that being a beacon of silent obedience is the closest they will get to being a working professional in theatre. It is hard for a woman to stand her ground without being called a nag, a bitch, a has-been, and, worst of all, a diva... Not the fun diva. The diva who works according to her standards and never says "I'm sorry" before asking a question (which yes, I have already done at least once in this post). The diva who says "you're welcome" in response to "thank you for..." instead with an overly sincere "Aww, Thank Yooouuuuu!!". It is different for men in this profession, and if you haven't realized it, then sister, you better start taking a good look around. For a community that is so progressive and accepting, this should not be happening. And I'm not saying that there has to be an exactly equal amount of women and men running the show in any theatre community, but there shouldn't be this amount of quiet subservience. Broaden your view of what you are capable of, ladies. And gents. And everyone.

Anywho, that was my late night, two glasses of wine, old lady tangent. Ruminate on it, Trixies and Tricksters. Theatre: can we do it, 21st Century? 

Super Secret November Challenge Blog Post #2

The Last Minute Cell Phone Post

I am off to a less than stellar start. I was getting ready to finally lie down in my bed with my copy of Contact, and read to the soothing tones of Beavis and Butthead,   when it hit me. 

"Oh shit. I forgot."

I did. I totally forgot to blog. So here I am with 19 minutes to spare and desperately searching for a topic to blog about, and quick. 

Oh the shame, I am going to resort to wedding news. So, get ready to giggle, ladies. Or eye roll, mademoiselles. But here it is, the big news. 

After several months of searching, I have finally found our photographer. The hunt was something of a nightmare. For one, wedding photographers, like all wedding vendors, are crazy expensive. It was a not so gentle reminder of the inherit classism in the wedding industry. Never forget, girls, unless you are rich, you are not worthy of your own celebration of one of society's most cherished and special traditions. The joining of two souls is only a big deal if the two souls are quite the little earners (or come from quite the little earners).

Of course, this is far more bitter than I intend it to sound. It's just... I ran into a personal problem while trying to determine the fiscal worth of fellow artists. Here comes the business side of art again, making it tricky to define expectations!

7 minutes. 

But I simply didn't have to resources to fairly price the work of local photographers, whether they were clearly overcharging couples or not. But I want to pay artists fairly for their work. It's what I expect for myself as an artist. Working artists deserve to have their profession treated, well, like a profession!  

But I also didn't want to be taken in by a mommy-tographer with limited skill, and a Christmas gift camera, and a large price. Although no offense to mommy-photographers. There are many talented ones out there.

Three minutes. 

But photographer that we were hooked up with via recommendation last week is just great, and a great fit for us, at a great price. I have a sneaking suspicion that we are getting a pretty good deal here, and if we had contacted her another year from now, she would certainly be out of our price range. And I wouldn't begrudge her that.

However. It is not so bad to, every now and then, make your art accessible to those who normally would not be able to share in it. Art is supposed to be for everyone, after all. It's a fine line, kids. Genuine art vs real work. Can one ever exist without the other? I mean, for professionals? 

Regardless. We got a bit of a break, and in corporate wedding land, all bets are off. It's every couple for themselves. So... Wedding high fives all around, I guess?

No, we can high five for true.


Ps. Apologies. Rushed posts equals horrific spelling/grammar, and sentence structure. Thanks Obama!