Super Secret November Challenge Blog Post #12

Southern Women At Large

This weekend, I ate my body weight in early Thanksgiving dinner and shower food. As in, wedding shower

Although, technically, this was a "tea" and not a shower - yet another trip into unknown society wedding practices. I got a corsage. I got a sugar rush and gifts. I may have slightly enhanced my southern accent at times. Not to mock, but just to gloss over a few of my other personality quirks that are always in danger of popping up in large groups.

Does every other southern woman have some kind of secret handbook of social practices and traditions that I don't have access to? Is there a secret handshake? Is there??

I tend to assume my status as a southern lady is always in the clear every time I glance at my iron skillet hanging on the kitchen wall... but then I find myself surrounded by women who all have salon hair, jewelry and church connections, and I all I have to offer is spanx and a solid Steel Magnolias impression. Am I failing you, ladies? I do so want to lend to the overall mystique of the Southern Woman. We are a living anomaly, gals. Are we the nicest ladies you've ever met, or just the most prudent?

I have to tell you, this is blog gold, the whole Mystery of the Southern Woman thing, but - surprise surprise - I am drained. Just drained. Plus, I am cellular blogging yet again, and my battery is not quite up for this in depth exploration of character.

So, until next time? You all are too twisted for color tv.

Super Secret November Challenge Blog Post #5

Drinkers Drinking 

Tonight, I went out. I was two glasses of wine in before I remembered that I had vegetarian vegetable soup and a handful of wheat chex to sustain, not just the alcohol, but an entire day. Oops. And so I realized it was time to get some mashed potatoes up in this bitch, drink a glass of water, and make my old lady excuses, and go home. Plus I was in a rush to get home and blog just in time. 

I picked up my wedding dress today. It was all going well; I ran into a former student who helped me try on my dress while catching me up on her college career... and then she immediately inquired as to whether I was still doing theatre or not. She was one of two people who asked me this in a span of 6 hours.

Aww.... geez, louise, you GUYS. 

You guys. I am a professional actor in Birmingham, Alabama. I may not always be doing theatre, but yes, I am still "doing theatre". I have no other profession to claim, other than my "scramble to" jobs. 

It is a little disconcerting to be like "Oh no, I usually work about 6 months out of the year, maybe more or less, depending on what's available, and the rest of the time I just pull together other work while holding imaginary tea parties with all my famous friends, Stella Adler (she's a book) and Dobby the cat. 

I hate to knock the theatre scene here, but holy tap dancing lord, doesn't anyone else get tired of talking about how talented everyone is here, and then glossing over how we just completely disregard that talent? I know people who were honest to god theatre majors who have done nothing but work for free since they graduated. And part of me admires their passion. The other part of me wants to shake them and ask, "Don't you know you are better than that? At least do enough work to repay the amount of money you dropped for a degree. A degree, for crying out loud!"

But then, the rest of me goes,"Girl. It is not your life. Just let them be them and stop being so damn selfish." Because, you guys. It is selfishness that motivates these feelings. Frankly, from my humble observations, the reason this community  has just coasted along a horizontal trajectory for the past twenty years without any real, significant upward movement, is because we have not demanded to be treated like professionals. 

I'm sorry, but once you drop a ton of time and money into training and marketing yourself, then child, you better start acting like you are worth the money you put out. How is it Florida, Tennessee, Georgia are all crawling with nationally recognized theatres, and all we have is Alabama Shakespeare Festival, a theatre mainly filled New York transplants? Do we not value ourselves more? Do we not see ourselves as worthy as Franklin Fucking Tennessee, who has their own acclaimed professional theatre company?

Now, clearly, we do have professional, acclaimed theatre companies here in town, bless them and the wonderful work they've given me, but you guys. If Birmingham is going to move up in the world, then we have to step up our arts game. Every major city in the country has a thriving arts and theatre community. They all have at least one major, professional, year round, nationally recognized theatre company. 

We are trying. I see us trying. What is holding us back? Please forgive me for this, but is it because we have a community that cannot differentiate between community and professional theatre? In such a tiny town as ours, I am not saying one is always better than the other. One major reason, is because we have actors crossing back and forth over the line, from professional to community. And I don't blame them. Since moving back to Birmingham, 6 years ago, I have worked for free only two or three times. Because! I was given an opportunity at roles I really wanted, and I wasn't sure if any of the three professional theatres in town were ever going to offer that same opportunity to me. And I am only EMC at this point, so why the hell not? It is good to do a little "on the job" training every now and then, to remember why you're here, to only be motivated by passion rather than a paycheck. 

That being said. What we do, is work. It is a profession. It is a job and should be treated as such. You wouldn't ask any other profession to work for free/for exposure, nonstop, would you? If you are a professional actor working for free, stop. Look at what you're doing. Are you doing this the way a lawyer would take a pro bono case, or are you doing this the way a desperate girl answering modeling ads on craigslist would? 

You guys, Birmingham is better than this. We are better than this. The talent in this town, deserves better. 

And while we're at it, I would like to address, just for a moment, the inherent sexism, even in small town theatre. In our city, we are overrun with actresses. Female directors, producers, theatre managers? Not so much. And that is okay, if there truly are not any women here who have an ounce of desire to be in charge... but I have observed so many actresses here who are infinitely outsmarting the director on a regular basis, but they don't see it. Ladies. There is nothing in this world wrong with only wanting to be an actress,  but there is also nothing wrong with wanting to be more. How many male directors in this city, in the WORLD, started off as actors and then followed their gut feeling that they would better suited to running the show rather being told where to stand, how to look, how to act? 

Why is it the majority of actresses in this town don't have that gut feeling? It is not just because we love being in front of the audience rather than behind the scenes. Obviously, being in charge of a theatre has not held any men back from also fulfilling their desire to be on the stage as well. There is a meekness, a quiet submissiveness, that is bred in actresses. Good actors listen, they take direction, they say "yes sir" and don't ask too many questions that could contradict the directors vision because then all you're doing is wasting everyone's time, right? How could you not feel inferior after having that instilled in you from your first day at musical theatre camp? 

Yet somehow, more women than men cling to this idea that being a beacon of silent obedience is the closest they will get to being a working professional in theatre. It is hard for a woman to stand her ground without being called a nag, a bitch, a has-been, and, worst of all, a diva... Not the fun diva. The diva who works according to her standards and never says "I'm sorry" before asking a question (which yes, I have already done at least once in this post). The diva who says "you're welcome" in response to "thank you for..." instead with an overly sincere "Aww, Thank Yooouuuuu!!". It is different for men in this profession, and if you haven't realized it, then sister, you better start taking a good look around. For a community that is so progressive and accepting, this should not be happening. And I'm not saying that there has to be an exactly equal amount of women and men running the show in any theatre community, but there shouldn't be this amount of quiet subservience. Broaden your view of what you are capable of, ladies. And gents. And everyone.

Anywho, that was my late night, two glasses of wine, old lady tangent. Ruminate on it, Trixies and Tricksters. Theatre: can we do it, 21st Century? 

HiYA! Keeping your love and good sense in the same place

Of all the places you expect to run into an ex that you have semi purposely avoided for approx. two years, a special public screening of The Exorcist is not the first unfortunate meeting place that comes to mind. Here was a very short and very unimportant, but cruel spirited relationship that kept my head spinning Linda Blair style for a few months afterwords with sheer confusion as to how people you thought highly of could behave so poorly, and here we are finally at the same place and the same time, and it happens to be at the "scariest movie of all time"*.  Granted, we didn't actually see each other face to face. And granted, I haven't really thought about the guy, or even actively dodged him, for well over a year now- but it makes for a good opener for this post.



It is about relationships. Well, healthy relationships. Which is ironic, because if you look at my personal history, my relationships have been as healthy as the digestive track of a small child in a third world country.

Healthy relationship, kept on track with a little karate.

When I began to seriously notice the opposite sex, almost immediately I developed a set list of goals.

1. Find a dude with a tortured soul and floppy hair (please, let's remember I was 13 when this list came into existence).

2. Make him realize that I am the
                                                      A. Cutest
                                                      B. Funniest
                                                      C. Deepest
                                                      D. Smartest
girl around. (aka The Bee's Knees)

3. Have him touch my secret. ASAP.

4. Have him declare his endless and undying love and devotion to me.

5. Then figure out whether or not I wanted to keep him around or trade him in for a better model.

Ok, so as foolproof as this list may sound, I actually did not do a lot of, well, anything in my early years. No dating, no kissing, no secret touching. Nada. Instead, I had minor panic attacks anytime a boy showed interest in me and in defense of my heart and my loins, became an unbearable bitch until their interest withered and died.

Unhealthy relationship, where nebbishy goes from sexy to needy. Eww.

Hey, don't blame the list! Not when there is so much more we can lay blame on - my immaturity, my parent's own failed relationship, my vhs copy of Franco Zeffirelli's Romeo and Juliet that burned a hole in my vcr, my warped reasoning that love and lust were interchangeable, with lust eventually being the deciding factor of the success of any relationship...

Perhaps it was because I judged relationships by their success. I mean, let's look at this realistically. If you base a relationship's success on whether or not they make it, then you'll never really know if you've won Love's grand prize until you or your partner drop dead without having gotten divorced or broken up. I know, cheerful right?

 It took several years of  "failed" relationships before I realized my focus was a little misguided. Instead of making sure my relationships were healthy, I was too centered on making them last, which ironically can be one of the biggest relationship killers. Anyone that has gone through a break up knows that you can often put off what needs to be said until you've already parted ways, and then it just mostly comes from a place of vengeance or anger, instead of simply trying to assert yourself and make sure you're keeping your place in the relationship, in order to keep from becoming someones whipping post.

I recently listened to a very funny old Phil Hendrie episode, where the topic was about 50/50 relationships. For those of you who don't know, Phil Hendrie is a radio host who will have special guests with outlandish and controversial views on his program, but what the people who call in to respond to the guests don't know is, Phil Hendrie is actually also the voice of the guests himself. On this show, he was pretending to be a young man about to get married and who was convinced that his relationship was 50/50. His fiance worked, paid the bills, cleaned, cooked and took care of her three year old son; his part of the union was being good looking, watching Payback with the kid and bringing some "serious lumber" to the bedroom. Of course, everyone who called in was incensed at the "guest's" gall and his fiance's stupidity and it was all very funny- but at the same time it was very real, because of how many people allow themselves to be used and walked all over just to keep the person they love around.

I have always considered myself to be a rather assertive person, to the point of tactlessness at times (although I really have been working on that over the years, I swears!) but for some reason I was a willing doormat to many a guy. If the teenage Jessica, with her school yard flirting techniques and limited experience could have seen the way adult Jessica sometimes acquiesced to such bullshit, she would busted a lamp over adult Jessica's head.

I have often expressed my love for women on this blog. I love our spirit, our unique understanding of humanity, and our strength. But when love enters the picture, it is so easy to let common sense fly out the window. Why is that?

I wish I could say that life, if you get it all figured out, is pretty straight forward, but it simply isn't. We're in a million pieces and when you're with someone, those broken fragments mix. And while one of my greatest and weirdest joys comes from sometimes not knowing whether an idiosyncrasy comes from me or from sharing my life with my boyfriend for over a year and a half - at the end day it is important to know which pieces are truly my own. Having that definite sense of self not only propels my own life forward, but it allows me to know the difference between selflessness and selfishness... and which I should choose when life asks you "what is best for you?".

Healthy relationship, with give, take and everything in between.

Having my own projects and my own interests keeps my energy and focus where it needs to be. It keeps me knowing who I am and knowing that I am not defined by who I am with. Because there is no guarantee on any relationship, knowing who you are outside of it is the most important thing to remember while you are with someone. It gives you the power to know what you want, and to stand up for it. Does that mean that I don't compromise when it is necessary? Nope, because I know being with someone takes work, but it allows me to point out piles of emotional doo turds as I see them and to not silently slip into a world where I have no definition outside of my relationship.


So why am I talking about all this? Well, a month ago I was invited to talk about healthy relationships for Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence's very first Domestic Violence Awareness Month blog-a-thon. After staring at my email in shock and trying to decide if I should laugh, cry or run and tell every boy who ever dumped me that I had been asked to share my take on healthy relationships, I realized I absolutely wanted to be a part of this. October is Domestic Violence Awareness month, and I was incredibly flattered to be invited to be a part of this. However, and this may totally shock some people, I am a champion procrastinator and I waited until the last minute to finally piece together all my sentiments into a somewhat easy to follow train of thought (although I have a super duper excuse of being in rehearsals and shows nonstop for the past month and a half). But I still wanted to take a moment to share this with everyone, because I do believe it is an important organization and that domestic violence is preventable. Many people may not feel they are able to, or even have the right to escape an abusive relationship, but it simply is not true. We are all entitled to our own safety and allowed to be our own unique and wonderful person- not just someones victim. Please take a moment to view the site. And then go celebrate your individuality, you wonderful creature, you!

*After re-watching The Exorcist, it is important to note that it is not as scary as I remember. For one, nothing happens for an hour. And two, it is really more disturbing than it is scary. I now think of it as a drama that goes bat shit crazy in the last hour. However, it is still a great film, kids.


October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Are you or someone you know being abused? Please call the Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence for help 24/7 at 1-800-650-6522 or visit them online at www.acadv.org.

Super Post

While perusing the inserts of the Sunday edition of our local newspaper, I came across an article entitled

THE BEST SUPERHERO MOVIES OF ALL TIME!! (and the worst)

Oh yes, please. I enjoy a good superhero flick, just as much as the next person.

The list went a little something like this

                             GOOD                                                   BAD 

                    A couple of Batman movies                   A bunch of girl-hero movies

                    A Spiderman movie

Bwaugh? What the hell? What the fuck? What the fucking fuck? Why I have never, in all my years, been so appalled! Why, we ladies have many awesome lady heroes with which films are based around! 

What about one of the best-est and bad ass-est of them all, The Bride? What about her? Although, it isn't really a superhero movie per se... more of a revenge flick... I guess this rule applies to all lady-sploitation flicks.

Not a lady hero? Really?

But please, there are a ton of great female superheroes in film, like... The X-men ladies! Yes, those gals are really something.... even if they are ultimately overshadowed by Wolverines meat chops (superhero side burns). Crap, I reckon that includes even the un-traditional, but super awesome  (but supporting) sci fi and fantasy lady heroes, like Hermoine Granger, and Ripley, who is overshadowed by the big bad creature.

Begging your pardon, but I'm all kinds of awesome.

But, behold! My brainy, bad-ass-ed-ness!

Ugh... well, we always have... Wonder Woman. There you go, Wonder Woman- a super heroine and an icon in her own right. Even though, she is sort of viewed as camp- and really not on the same level as old Batman or even Superman... Plus, she was on tv.

Why won't anyone take me seriously?

And Good gravy, and let's not even talk about the hoards of sexy but stupid super lady video game movies. Bad scripts, bad accents, bad movies. All of them: Choppy, ridiculous and obnoxious.

Crap.

All right Hollywood- there's gotta be one, just one, spandex-ed, ass kicking, less tongue in cheek, more good vs evil, big budget, classic, all around great movie HEROINE that isn't a supporting character with a film named after her and solely about her out there. Not one? Not one that isn't regulated to the exploited, revenge, action, camp or "worst movie ever" genre? I love my Batmans, but come on.

Apparently, I am not the only one who has been thinking about this lately. It is a problem, people. A problem that, yes, is a direct result of a larger problem in film- where women (and people of color) are being overshadowed and are not equally represented. I once had a fellow movie nerd state that 2010 was a great year for women in film, but a lousy year for film. It was such an off hand, unintentionally insulting comment, that I couldn't really respond properly, without it sounding like I was a humorless bitch. If it was such a lousy year for film, then, in fact, it was NOT a good year for women in film. If the films with awesome lady characters were just so unremarkable, well then, what the hell good does that do? Good roles do occasionally exist in not so good films, but Great roles in Great films should go hand in hand. If a role is truly awesome, it is because the story around it is awesome. Not to say that actors do not give great performances in lousy movies- that is an entirely different discussion.

The first thing I would like to see an amazing, well received, instant classic super heroine film. Not a tv show- the ladies have actually had some good representation on the small screen thanks to the aforementioned Wonder Woman and others like Buffy and... and... Alias? There's a following for that, right? Even if W.W. and the Buffy were mostly camp, they still were tv super-lady icons with their own (major) tv shows. We just need one, just ONE on film. 

Just one, people.

Why I'm staying Red

Back in 2007, I started a lie that has become harder and harder to shake- that I was a red head.
By lie, I mean I bleached the shit out of my hair and then dyed it over and over and over again. Since then I've had periods of letting it go back to it's natural brown, once every woman and their mother/aunt/sister/niece/trixie best friend who saw this or this and thought "Damn it, I wanna be a red head too!".
And while those young, sexypants ladies are all good reasons to want to capture the natural lustiness of a true ginger, I've attached my reasons to a few different women.
Women that I idolize, that I adore and that one day I hope allow me to gain entrance into their glorious society of talented divas, via my (fake) hair color.*