Sunday, August 28, 2011

Frustration, dirty words and poop

Writers block. I got it.

I've started about four different posts and had a door slam itself shut in my brain's face about four lines in each time. It is frustrating, mostly because I have been sorely deprived, creatively, over the past few months. I mean, I realize that it is not genius that I have been spewing forth over the past 3 years on this blog- if anything it is more like internet diarrhea. I am obviously grammatically challenged; my writing isn't terribly unique or even readable at times and certainly no one expects me to be writing professionally. Ever. But it has been a relief to me and that feeling of relief after creating a post overrides my slight feeling of shame (also like diarrhea).

But over the past few weeks, I have been stuck. A huge part of it is that I often am not able to stay focused long enough to form complete sentences, much less a complete series of thoughts strung together in a semi cohesive post. This personal flaw has always been present in my life, but lately it has taken a turn for the worse. I am constantly stopping in the middle of conversations and finding myself in a complete haze, wondering what the hell I was talking about. I mean that literally. I'll start talking and then totally lose my train of thought mid sentence. All. The. Time. Perhaps it is slightly poetic and symbolic of the fact that, in the giant, overall, "What is life all about anyway and why can't I live it 15 pounds skinnier?" picture, nothing anyone says ever truly matters - it's just words words words and most people don't give a damn anyway. But I don't care! I still want to have a constant flow of those inconsequential words! But so far the only word I can get out without hesitation is "Fuck".  Ex: Where the fucking fuck is my fuckity flow? It's disappearance has left me blocked up worse than an old person surviving on a diet of biscuits and candy corn.

Basically, I need a mental laxative.

*I took me almost 3 hours to create this post. No foolin'.


Charcoal Renderings said...

Why do I feel like we have the same life right now?

I'm not entirely sure what I can offer you in the way of advice or words of wisdom or store-bought Miralax, but I can at least say that, through my observations, these times of flux and uncertainty and hard-to-pin-down words and thoughts generally yield themselves to a greater creative energy down the line. It's almost like your body knows a big genius storm is coming, so it sucks up all its resources from doing mundane things like switching over the laundry to transferring that energy into something to serve the Greater Good Down The Road Of Awesome.

(Hopefully that just made sense, I'm not really of a mind to re-read it and try and force it to if you doesn't. I feel like you should get me. Hopefully.) Basically the moral of the story is to give yourself a break and see if you can't try to refocus some of that lost concentration on to something entirely different and unexpected, and maybe that will spark the gunpowder line leading back to your creative explosion that's been building up steam somewhere. Best of luck, lady!

Jessica said...

No, that makes perfect sense- and thank you, I certainly hope that this is the case. God knows I need that genius storm to get things growing!