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Saturday, January 2, 2010

My Anti Resolutions

1. I will never, ever again drink a diet anything for as long as I live. If I want a coke ( and I always do ) I am getting one. The real thing.
2. A glass of red wine a day keeps the doctor away, or something like that. That's a rule I can stick to.
3. Jogging? You can take that and shove it all the way up your pee hole. I walk to work and the store don't I? And I dance around in my apartment PLENTY. I will be no one's jogging partner.
4. Once upon a time, somewhere in the late spring I believe, it was said, "You've got a butt that doesn't quit!". So maybe this was less a compliment and more so another way of saying, "You sure gotta fat ass!"- but I choose to take it positively. Not only that- but even if I DO get down to my goal weight, I will make sure there is always junk in the trunk. I mean, there are more songs about fat asses than flat asses.
5. There are a lot of things I may do this year, and I may or may not fill you in on my motives. We'll see how I feel. But I refuse to feel obligated to justify myself to people who don't really give two darns and quarter about me any longer. I will be unpredictable this year!
6. I will spend as much time at Target as I please. And I will get excited about the discount dvds. '9 to 5' for five bucks? Holy moly!
7. Pizza night at least once a month. Yummmmmm.
8. If I need something from the corner store, I refuse to put on make up and real shoes. I'll go in my sweats and rain boots, and I don't care who sees me!
9. From now on if anyone tries to offer me financial or professional advice, unsolicited, they're getting a punch in the face.
10. I will not blog my normal resolutions. I really don't need them hanging over my head all year.