Packing, packing, packing. Oy! This marks the 6th time I have picked up my life and moved it across the country. How do I feel about moving back to my hometown? Fucking fantastic. I look forward to bright new beginnings and a whole new Jessica.
Let me rephrase that... an even Better Jessica. Because I discovered something wonderful today and please excuse me if this comes off as egotistical : I am awesome. No, seriously. I have fallen flat on my face more times than I can count and every time, every single time, I have picked myself back up. That's amazing. Have I accomplished my goals, or reached my dreams, or even gotten a lot of what I wanted? Hell, no- and the fact that I still take risks and move forward and stay true to myself is damn impressive. I've tried compromising and I've tried being apathetic, and I CANNOT do it. My desire to make my life worth living always pokes me in the side and says, "Girl! Limbo is not for you! You are a giving, caring human being and you deserve to go after what you want!"
I'm not changing for anyone. I've heard about these so called "rules" that we are all supposed to play by, and I'm sorry, but that is bullshit! No Joe Schmoe is going to live their life the way Jessica Clark lives it, and I am certainly not going to live by Joe Schmoe's rules. I spend a lot of time giving and giving and giving and always putting myself second. Nuts to that. I come first and I play by my own rules. I live to love and care for others and now I'm going to make sure that I include myself in that group of people. I tip my hat to the friends who've earned my love through years of consistency. Those are the people value my worth. You guys are the shit!
With this new start, I am making a promise that I am not going to squander my gifts and that I will always stay true to myself. And that I won't be ashamed of "failures"... they're only evidence that I had the guts to try. And at the end of the day, what is the measure of a person - their successes or the amount of effort they put forth? Hmm?? Can I get an Amen?
I'm feeling positive, very positive and sure of myself. Do what you will, life. I'll be fine.