At this point, I'm not sure what to think or what to believe. As I am truly at a loss for words, I can only say now my plan is to
A. watch as much Simpsons as possible. It always seems to bring clarity to even the foggiest of situations.
B. continue moving forward
C. tell all my friends right now that I love you and I appreciate you more than you know
D. I don't know
At least I can say that I tried. But it's going to be really hard not to put that wall back up. Nothing makes much sense right now. I'm praying for strength and to not let bitterness overtake me. I guess I just never took loss very well and that was why I kept everyone other than my small group of friends at bay for so many years.
But hey, the positive part is that I've lost 7 lbs in the past two weeks. And I went red.
Words of Wisdom:
Okay, this is what I've gotten from Marge Simpson so far. "Take all your bad feelings and push them down, all the way down past your knees until you're almost rocking on them- and then, you'll fit in! And you'll be invited to parties and boys will like you and happiness will follow." Wait a second... I mean, I'm a woman and all, but that's horrible advice! Nuts to you, Simpsons!
From my mom, who actually sent this to me in a card a week ago (on a completely unrelated matter), " Life will be better. It is around the corner, Jessica, waiting for you to embrace it."
And finally from Forsythe, "what a shit sucking jesus fucking son of a fuck."
Which, while it might not be entirely true, it still made me laugh, and it feels good rolling off my tongue.
Oh, I almost forgot!
E. Never stop telling fear to suck it. Suck it hard, fear.