Friday, Sep 26th, 2008 -- You may be licking your wounds today, but the real issue is not about anything that occurs in the present moment. Your obsession now with something in the past can actually block the flow of feelings. Gently bring your thoughts and fantasies back to the here and now. You don't want to miss the good stuff that is right in front of you.
Does this mean I have emotional constipation? I'm not sure... What I do know is that I am drinking more, and it is not terribly becoming. I also know that although I am taking in money and paying off debts, I am still in a financial crisis - much like our beloved country; Although I haven't had anyone offer me $700 billion dollars to bail my ass out. But all that aside, life is fine. I actually am looking for that something that is going to be the magical key that unlocks that flow of good - I had a very strange encounter a couple of months ago with a "prophet" of sorts, and what he said was brought back to my attention a few days ago. Here's the story. I was visiting my mother in Macon, and we went to this coffee shop that she had been to before and had made friends with the owner, who used to be a minister. She had mentioned Collin and I, but only as her kids, no specifics. When we go in, he is there and immediately recognizes her and figures out who my brother and I were. As we were heading out about a half hour later, he is standing by the door to say goodbye to us and to tell us to drive safely ( it was storming ), when all of a sudden he grabs my shoulder. He begins talking very quickly, almost like he was giving me a last minute grocery list or something, but he is saying things like "You're a dreamer.... You can see things in your life... You connect to others through dreams and ideas... You understand and you question... You sometimes see those dreams come true when you are in touch with a larger force... You know that greater force and it is present in your life, but you don't always accept that... You're a dreamer" and so forth and so on. "Am I hitting correctly on any of these things?" Then lightening struck the roof of the library right across the street. I know, right? Believe me, it spooked the shit out of my mom and I. The whole thing took me so completely by surprise and it wasn't until I got in the car, I realized he was "prophesying" to me. Well, my mother goes back to the shop a couple of weeks ago and asks him what he was saying to me and what he meant. He replied that he doesn't do that very often, but something about me apparently struck him and he felt that need to let me know that I could believe in myself, in something, because he saw a person with....with... ugh, I can't remember the exact phrase, but something to the effect of being destined for larger things, but I could only make them happen if I placed myself in the hands in the something greater than myself. Well, obviously he meant God. But regardless of how you feel about that, it reminded me of a quote that has been on my Facebook for a long time.
"Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them"
- Twelfth Night
To me, I think it means things will start coming up Jessica once I really let go; once I take that giant leap of faith. Does it sound foolish that if you move through greatness, then greatness will move through you? All of that aside, I think that the most important thing is that I learn how to believe in myself and trust in others again. Yikes. Yikes yikes yikes.
Anyway, enough about me - who watched the debate last night? All my children! You know what I am living for? Oct 2nd Biden vs Palin! I wonder how Palin prepares for these things... does she approach the debate like answering beauty pageant questions? If you could grant the world one wish, what would it be? What do you think about the war in Iraq? What is your ideal date? Answer...................