Thursday, July 2, 2009

Big Girl Panties

Okay. So I'm 25 for another hour and a half. And then I can no longer pretend I'm in my early twenties. Yeesh. And I know I'm not OLD, all you nagging fussbuckets (Dummy) but dammit. I gotta say these birthdays are killing me; not that I'm being poetic - but of course they are killing me in a sense, but what I mean to say is that the more I have, the more separated I feel from reality. Reality being that I am, in many ways, still a kid.
So what am I going to do with my remaining time as a quarter lifer? Same thing I do almost every night; watch a little Simpsons, read a little and have a cherry coke. Although I'm in the mood to watch Who Framed Roger Rabbit... or Back to the Future... Truthfully, I'm not that sad to see 25 go out the window. It has been one giant quarter life crisis. Non stop stress and whatnot and lots of difficult changes. I think about what Dustin Hoffman once said on Inside the Actor's Studio... about your twenties being "the big question mark" and how we shouldn't give totally into this pressure to prove ourselves; which that's a big freakin relief, because I really don't want to know what I have "proven" to some people. But if anything, I think I have managed to take on the challenge of being a lost twenty something without stepping all over others in order to find myself. I've taken risks, left the security of my hometown, always been somewhat impulsive - I've done a lot to give myself choice. SO. I think if I stay on that path and lay down a few bread crumbs, I should be rockin.
Enough of that. It's just another birthday! No big thing, you know. It's not like I've reached the point where I am completely demented, remembering things that never happened, wearing the waist band of my trousers up under my boobs, taking out my teeth and throwing them at those damn kids on my lawn, even though I live in an apartment complex and my lawn is really the parking lot of a trendy organic grocery store and "those damn kids" are actually a bunch of damn hipsters and yuppies... No, I'm not at that point in my life. Yet.


Frau Schmidt said...

Just wait until you're as old as I am! All I do is throw my teeth at kids! 26 was a great year for me, and a year when stuff started to come together and make sense. I wish the same for you, because I promise everything you've been doing will pay off, just keep moving and challenging yourself!

I wish I could take you for some sushi and a martini today. Have a great birthday.

Jessica said...

thank you, these are my wishes exactly, i love you so so SOOOOOOO much and wish you were here for sushi and 'tinis too.